The Subject of Fear

Today in class we played around with the idea of fear and how we draw ourselves out of the state of far itself. We had a ferret running around the room and holiday lights to try an detour us from the subject the class was discussing. It worked to say the least. Most people were too focus'ed on the ferret above all else. Let's face it, when you throw something cute in the middle of a bunch of immature young adults, no one really manages to pay attention.

Nonetheless, the subject of fear is something I do not neccessarily enjoy thinking about. This is mainly due to the fact that my fears are severe and go hand in hand with eachother. I am 1) terrified of enclosed spaces (in other words I am clausterphobic) and 2) death scares the living daylights out of me. Let's explore the idea of why I say these two things go hand in hand. The mere thought of being stuck in a box with very little moving room, let alone squirming move, with a significantly low supply of oxygen frightens me. Now, let's imagine me in a coffin. Despite the fact I am dead, the thought still resides in my living mind at the moment. My dead body would be in a very tight box, stuck 6 feet under the ground with no way to escape. Now the mere fact of me being dead and even if I could escape it is impossible because I am..well..dead. Now death has it's own scarity to me. When I actually focus on the thought I go into an instant state of panic. My face flushes white, my stomach turns and the only way to focus on something else is to get into an activity or do something productive. I do not like the idea of no longer being, well, a being. No being is being, yet by being they are. One of my favorite quotes. No person can be living without living, but by living they are alive. I don't want to not be alive. I don't want to just one day not wake up and not be...

I am actually stopping this blog now because thinking about this is getting my stomach flustered...